So there we were….

…on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, gathered in a parking lot near SCSU in New Haven. Mind you, this was no ordinary lot. This was THE place to be: strains of merengue and bachata could be heard from far off car stereos, lawn chairs and grills were plentiful, and the vintage low-riders brought the feel of 1970s Havana to New Haven.

Our hare, Tiajuana Donkey Fluffer (no, it’s not spelled wrong, that’s how he spells it! Come on now),  gathered us around and handed a pristine graduation robe to the person who would be graduating next, Taint No Savior, who had refused to wear any collegiate gear at all. Who had the last laugh now Taint? After a brief chalk talk, the live hare set off, confident he would never be snagged. After a few beers in the lot ranging from fancy schmantzy craft beer to PBR Light, the pack set off.

Through knee high grass, goose shit and poison ivy, the pack traipsed, only to be confounded by pink flour, or the lack of it, at our feet. Faceful of Leroy, heading out to the street checking, came upon a shot…the heavy ball used in shot put events, and the pack decided to all give it a try during the first drink (Dark and Stormy-ish something or other…obviously TDF‘s never been to Bermuda).

shotput

Back onto trail, smack dab through the lecture hall buildings and labs of SCSU, where Tap That Teacher reminisced about her days, I mean years, there oh so long ago. Through a cemetery, past some dorms, around the football field to a turtle check waiting for the DFL at the time. Can’t remember who it was though… through a parking garage, on past the northern reaches of the school towards the urban jungle of New Haven. A drink check at the side of the road….pint of some God-awful whiskey was found….in a patch of poison ivy no less!!! The pack couldn’t, or wouldn’t, finish it, so on they went, bottle in hand (covered in poison ivy oil, don’t forget).

SCSU hash

Onward they went…Smashmouth turning back as his spidey senses started tingling as the pack came into close proximity to mega shaggy….and then inward to West Rock Park they went. Upward too. The pack broke in two as the FRBs Back Tits McGee, Marty “Gimpy” McDie, and Cunt for Red CocktoberLeroy and Pee Dignity were representing for the ladies I believe, took off r*nning. Bringing up the rear were the old gas bags of Taint No Savior, Bambi’s Bitch, TTT, Cock Can’t Kill Me, and Jersey Shhhhwhore. Sorry Mathole, I have absolutely no idea where you were! Up a never-ending dead-leaf and slate steep hill they went, TTT encouraging her group on with an impromptu dance party (tech on trail, tech on trail!). Even though all she got for her efforts were death stares from the huffing and puffing hashers lying at her feet. Sheesh!

hill

Onward, and upward still the pack travelled, passing many muggles on trail, leaping from rock to rock, encountering sweeping vistas, playing in caves (cough, Leroy, cough). From the FRB group Cunt came back to guide the rest on, back down the mountain, to a swiftly flowing stream. The group stood open mouthed for a second at the realization that the beer, never mind the trail, was across the river. One by one they bravely stepped into the frigid waters, BTM teabagging the damn water for all it was worth,  all to be taken down by the slippery, slimy rocks to be found beneath their feet. Mathole tried to carefully pick his way across, but alas, he too was taken down. Taint baptized himself and proselytized for a moment. BTM told a whopper of a tale about saving a flying dog and chasing down some hippies. (Check out our Facebook page for the story straight from the Tits’ mouth).

Back to civilization, the group plodded squishily on, encountering package and boob checks, totally missing a PQ-something or other reward. Or maybe that was just me. Back to Southern, past TTT‘s apts, dorms, party houses, etc. through the campus. Taint supplied anyone who wanted with flavored vodka nips…vanilla and orange mixed together is yum. To the on-in, a small isolated lot 1/4 mile from the cars that the dehydrated pack voted to do circle in.

tdf

Down downs were given to BTM, FRB, TTT, DFL. No surprise there… Cock for returning hasher…we don’t care that it takes you an hour to get to us, what the hell man? Pee Dignity and Back Tits did two dogs fucking; Leroy got accolades for carrying the shot the whole way on trail; Cunt, Leroy and Jersey thought they could sit during circle and not get caught; someone pointed, someone had tech, yada yada yada. Taint gave a rousing thank you speech as he will be h3@ding to greener pastures shortly, and a spectacular group hug ensued.

To end, some lazy hashers took advantage of TDF driving and piled 8 into his 5 seater. Taint tried to walk back to the cars, he really did, but after 50 grueling feet he gave up and jumped in as well. On-after was at our favorite sports bar, why Sports Haven of course! Why not? Cheap food, towers of beer and super friendly bartenders ;). What more could your average hasher ask for?

Till next time, On-Out!

Love, the sucker who gets to write these things. TTT

Nose goes!!!!

 

 

Green and Amber Hash! Saturday, March 14th

Irish+Yoga

Beware the ides of March! No, wait…that’s Sunday the 15th, never mind. There won’t be anything to beware on Saturday the 14th…so we can fully concentrate on getting our hash on in true St. Patrick’s Day style – with the Wearin’ o’ the Green and the Drinkin’ o’ the Amber!

Mathole will hare a trail starting from the Green and venturing through some scenic Amber along the way. All the while, we’ll be wearing our finest green and drinking the finest amber brew that the hare has to offer.

When: Saturday, March 14th. 3:00pm. (Daylight Savings Time is back, bitchezzz!)

Where: West Haven Town Green. Church St. looks to be the best place to park, as there is no posted time limit on that street.

Hash Cash: $5

Wear: Green!!! That’s not hard, is it?

Also bring: Vessel (for your Amber), Cash for the on-after, virgins, and your Irish spirit

Since Mathole is haring….there is 100% chance of rain. It’ll be just like Eire! A wee lite drizzle won’t stop us though, will it???

 

Hashmat 8 has cum and gone!! Stay tuned for Hash Trash!

Friday Pub Crawl Updates!!

From the Rotten Groton Hash House Harriers, guest Hare Binocucock gives us this info:

“It’s all about the Hare Stylist! Better Coif Your Hair Or We Will Do It For You!”. Yes, you should be afraid. Devi-ate from the norm!! Accumul-ate new friends!  On out at Trinity Irish Pub, located at 157 Orange Street, New Haven. 7:00PM Hashtime.

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The 8th Annual New Haven Hash House Harriers Hashmat is just around the corner! Cum join us for a full weekend of hashing around some of the more savory areas of New Haven as we commemorate the 8th Anniversary of the original “Hashmat  Incident”, by NH4 founder Dr. Gonads.

Pricing:

Includes Friday Pub Crawl with beer, Saturday Hash with beer, full dinner and giveaways, Sunday Hangover Hash with beer and breakfast.

$69: February 21st – day of event

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Haberdashery:

$15: Long sleeved commemorative tee shirt

Small Buy Now Button

We will contact you after you register for your hash name, kennel, and shirt size if ordered.

Weekend schedule:

Friday: Evening pub crawl, Time TBA, Rotten Groton H3 Guest Hare Bicockular/Binocucock…or whatever he’s choosing to call himself these days. 2 beer checks, on-in downtown New Haven bar. Hashy dance party to follow!!

Saturday: Check-in begins at 11:30am at Sports Haven, 600 Long Wharf Drive, New Haven. Plenty of onsite free parking! Beer and snacks upon arrival. On-out at 1:00pm – 4 drink checks on trail, On-in at Sports Haven with beer, buffet dinner, beer, betting vouchers, giveaways, beer, circle, beer.

Sunday: Hangover Hash, Time and location TBA, Skull & Boners H3 Guest Hare. Short trail with small breakfast, and did we mention beer?

Local Hotels:

La Quinta:   http://www.laquintanewhaven.com/

Courtyard New Haven:   http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/hvndt-courtyard-new-haven-at-yale/?pid=corptbta&scid=b661a3c4-9c47-48c8-9e13-75b66089dd79

New Haven Suites:   http://newhavensuites.com/

Check out our “Who’s Cumming” page too!!

Wanking in Wallingford

Start point: Off Lufbery Ave. in Wallingford

Hares: Just Loki and Just Mishi

Details: About 3.5 miles, two beer checks. There will be a small section of level 3 shaggy with water potentially up to knee level. This won’t dominate the trail but it may be enough to make a change of shoes/socks desirable. There will be a turkey trail available for the shiggy-averse.

Hash for Higher Ed-juh-kay-shun: Saturday, May 09

toga-party-animal-house

Come to your favorite  (ok, my favorite) little blonde’s alma mater and see just how smart you is.

The one and only Tiajuana Donkey Fluffer,  also well acquainted with said university,  back from wherever the hell he’s been, will take us on a tour of one of the finer learning establishments (cough-bullshit-cough) in the area.

Saturday, May 9th, 3:00pm

Bowen Field parking lot, Crescent Street, New Haven

$5 hash cash; virgins always free. And by free I mean…oh wait, forget I said anything.

Live hare, shitty marks on trail, 4 – 6 long miles. Drink checks, if you can find them, maybe snake in a bottle, who knows.

On-on y’all!

The Greatest Hash on Earth – Sat. March 28th

Halloween 1

Ladies and Gentlemen, Wankers of all ages, (provided those ages are 21+),

Welcome to the Greatest Hash on Earth! Did you know that on March 28th, 1881, the “Greatest Show on Earth” was formed by PT Barnum & James Bailey? Of course not; hashers are not that smart!

So, in honor of this re-dick-u-lous fact, we are having a Circus Hash on March 28th. In an astounding feat, never before attempted by man (or wo-man), the Skull and Boners Hash House Freaks and the New Haven Hash House Oddities will lay a death-defying trail for all to enjoy!

Cum one, cum all and we hope you do! Mystify your fellow hashers and cum dressed as your favorite Circus Freak, Clown, Strong Man, Sword Swallower (yes please), Bearded Lady, Knife Thrower (yes you, Marty McDie), contortionist, etc. Or if you were too drunk and forgot to hash for St. Paddy’s Day, you could always wear your green dress.

Hares: Back Tits McGee, Just Paulette, Taint No Savior, Just Art

When: Saturday, March 28th, 2:00pm

Hash Cash: $5 – two shows for the price of one!

NH4 trail: On out at Pub 67 in Seymour (227 West Street). Park in the lot behind CVS. 2.5 miles true trail (A to B).

SBH3: Clown car ride from B to C, the start of the Boner trail. Dry bag or die!! Trail C to C.

Yes, you read right! Transportation included from point B to C, and back to A for On-after.

We hope to see you under the Big Top! On-on!!

Greenish Trash

A small group braved the shitty pouring rain to join Mathole (wait…it was pouring on a Mathole trail??? The meteorologists should hire him, no joke!) through a tour of gorgeous, scenic downtown West Haven. The wearing of the green was abundant; even Bleeding Gash wore a green diaper to join in on the festivities! Blobs of pink flour led the pack through the West Haven Green. The racist bastards, otherwise known as the show-off males of the group, Gash, Back Tits McGee and Marty McDie, led the cool chicks, Just Paulette, Just Mishi, Jersey Shhhwhore, and Tap That Teacher. Our outfits, especially Gash’s festive diaper, elicited car honks and stares of disbelief all along the trail.

There was actual more-than-10-feet of shaggy, through the snow and a stream…not sure why the water was green; we’re not gonna think about that right now. An off (on?) the foot of Baileys was found in a park, and then back to the on-out it was! photo (5)

Circle was stealthily held in the gazebo on the green, stupendously RA’d by Mathole. FRB….one guess. DFL….one guess. Down downs to TTT for losing her shortcutting skills, Gash for cranium gear in circle, Mathole for PBR light…who even knew??? Mishi as a returning hasher, TTT for alcohol abuse. (Should’ve been everyone else for making her laugh, duh). TTT for false acusation, Paulette for wallflowering, Gash & Back Tits for something homosexual I’m sure. Marty and Jersey…..did we even make them drink? Who knows?

On-after at Duffy’s Tavern, birthplace of NH4, with the addition of Just Loki.

 

Hashmat Trash! Read on, if you remember how!!

As my hash-trasherer predecessor likes to say, hope you have a beer, or three, it’s gonna be a long one….

Friday, Feb. 27th, Hashmat Pub Crawl
photo 1 (4) Around 15 hashers met at Trinity Bar and Grille to await our guest hare, Rotten Groton’s Binocucock…who pulled his usual shit and showed up a half hour late. But he was armed! With all manner of hair accessories… Adding to Binoc‘s stylings, we had afros, red and green hair, pigtails and tiaras. Chalk talk was had and the hare was off!

photo 2 (3)

So this “crawl”, you know, nice and easy (like our harriettes), from pub to pub was, like the hare, nowhere to be found! A quick stop at Pub #1, I mean a parking lot, brought us a freakin’ gallon of whiskey to share. C’mon Binoc, really??

A straight shot up Orange St, passing some meth-heads along the way, also where the group of FRBs refused to mark the checks for the rest of the pack, took us to Contois Bar….2 miles away.contois

After a quick stop here, onto Pub #3…or parking lot #2, with a white cooler cleverly hidden in a snow bank filled with Milwaukee’s Beast. After a rousing rendition of Coach Sandusky led by Taint No Savior, the pack carefully made their way down the icy sidewalks. Well, most of us anyways, as Cunnilwontus slipped and the smack of his cranium against the ice could be heard back in Charleston. A quick jaunt into East Rock Park brought us a bottle of Fireball, and a couple of cops patrolling the park. But not to fear…Just Kate, (the cop whisperer), Cunnilwontus and Taint sent them right on their way.beer

Some time during the “crawl”, Tap That Teacher, being the responsible person we all know she is, lost all of the toe tags. She must have been mugged or something, for sure. Another straight shot back down Orange Street (you rock, Binoc), got us to Christie’s Pub, surely due to the razzing of the hare by the pack due to more parking lots than pubs on the “Pub Crawl”.

Trail ended back at Trinity, and Rotten Groton’s EZ Keyless Entry took RA duties for the evening. Many down, downs were drunk, and our hare was shitfaced – rightfully so, that bastard. I think there may have even been an auction to see who wanted to claim him as their own, but it ended with a game of “No thanks, you can have him!!”

Saturday, Feb. 28th, Hashmat Main Trail  (Go get your second beer!!!)

The day started out pretty damn cold, according to the sweet, cute, precious, dainty hare, Tap That Teacher, with 15° and a wind chill of holy fuck! The pack of 35 congregated at Sports Haven, snacking on jalapeño poppers and pretzels, and unlimited Pabst Blue Ribbon, choice beer of hashers and hipsters alike. Who knew?chalk

After a quick chalk talk, led by our stand in RA Emeritus, Hi I’m Gay, in requisite hazmat suit,  and hare TTT, the pack was off! Cause for Blindness auto hared, and Malt Lickher and Cunt for Red October were hopelessly lost on trail…or did they skip trail altogether? We may never know… A quick song check in front of IKEA, a meander right by the train yard, onto a spank check towards beer check #1 at El Amigo Felix. (The hare lost her “map” 1/2 mile into trail, so she just had to wing it).felix

The pack scared the few patrons of the bar, drank their cheap beer, and were on their way. Through some sights at Yale the pack dashed, beating the hare to the next beer check at Wall Street Pizza. Know who else they beat? Hentai Me Down,  who left Syracuse 26 hours later than he should’ve, sauntering in the door like he’d been there the whole time just in time for some beer…. nice try.

A dance check and a couple of body part checks later, the pack ran into a BQ25, blackberry brandy (yummmm….you’re welcome), in Wooster Square, then made their way back to Sports Haven. Through a series of unfortunate (fortunate?) events, we were given a private suite overlooking the entire venue. Master Hater took advantage of the floor to ceiling windows to press her ample bosom to the glass to the delight of… all below. grou[

HIG stayed to RA circle – some trangressions: FRB – Bleeding Gash, I’m guessing, DFL – ummm…it wasn’t me, so I have no clue…Binoc maybe? Smashmouth, in his aged state, elected to sit through circle, as those old folk often do. The gaggle of FRBs did a group down-down, and Just Paulette and Skeletwhore did “two dogs fucking”, for wallflowering maybe?? Who knows? I was pretty tipsy by this point. All kilt wearers drank, all visitors, returners, and Cause and Flounder drank for having been at all 8 hashmats. That’s some damn dedication there!circle

The evening was capped off by a naming for Just Kate….our friend from the south, and by south I mean Jersey.  She wasn’t named Cop Whisperer, Jersey Blows (damnit!), or Snookie something or other, but she will now be known by Jersey Shhh-whore. On-after at TTT’s place…. and you’ll never hear those stories unless you were there. kate

 

 

 

Sunday, Hangover Trail (shot time!!!)

Sunday’s guest hare, Blowhole, of the Skull and Boners, welcomed a group of about 16 hashers to her crib, and plyed them with coffee, booze maybe, and PBR. She dashed off to set trail, and the lazy wankers eventually followed her. The sidewalks were a sheet of ice, and Bambi’s Bitch turned it into his own skating rink. Cunt for Red Cocktober carefully cradled 3 bottles of champagne the entire trail, ensuring they made it safely to their destination, Cafe Romeo, for mimosas. bkfst

But were the hashers satisfied with this? Hell no!! We wanted, we needed, more trail! Hentai Me Down drew the short straw and took off running, well sort of jogging, towards downtown. Cunnilwontus serenaded us all at a song check with a biblical, 5 guy type song. what the hell was it even??cunn

 

The pack immediately lost trail, split up, and met back up at a group sex check…where eagle eyed Faceful of Leroy spotted the hare, eyeballing the proceedings excitedly from around a corner. She and Cunt gave chase….not even Gash nor Marty McDie could’ve kept up with her, but the wily hare dropped a song check as he was about to be pantsed. Damn! Trail ended up at Christie’s, where TTT and Back Tits McGee were denied frosty beverages due to lack of ID. Um, really? Have you seen those two?? Hentai somehow charmed the beers out of the bartender and all was right again.

cunt

 

Cunt took the next leg, using chalk and….ketchup? Hey, hashers are really poorly prepared! (But clever….) Shortcutting was to be had by TTT, Hentai and Cunnil, and the rest of the pack breathlessly arrived shortly after. The damn snow, coming down heavily as it was, dashed any hopes of a third leg, so the group trudged back to Blowhole’s pad. Immature middle school games were played, old school tunes were heard, and this concludes another great Hashmat.

 

 

 

Thanks to all who traveled from near and far to join us, thanks to our guest hares, we apologize to our livers, and pay tribute to Dr. Gonads, without whose troublesome antics Hashmat would’ve never become a reality. On-out wankers!!

Tap That Teacher

…now you may go pee.

 

Hash Trash: Dead Christmas Tree Hash

Hmmm, I didn’t realize Mathole was haring this hash…that must be why it was pouring out, right? But no. This time, our seasoned hare Smashmouth was at the helm of this freezing, rainy Sunday. The pack of 14 eagerly awaited their beloved hare in the parking lot of the Guilford train station, long past the start time, and we started wondering what may be keeping him. Did he forget about us? Did he get lost on his own trail? …a distinct possibility. Did he get entangled in some unforgiving “brambles”? Not quite.

From the Guilford Police Blotter, Sunday, 1/18/15: “A suspicious person complaint was investigated at 1:41pm. A man walking on Rte 146 towards Sachem’s Head (head, who said head?) was observed throwing white powder along the road side. Police determined the man was marking the road for a r*nning group.”

Let us pause for applause….

So Smashmouth finally shows up, covered in ‘white powder’ to find a group with hashers from New Haven, Groton, Skull and Boners, New York, and DC, eagerly awaiting his super-duper trail. Oh…and the rain stopped as soon as the drenched hare arrived too. We got more and more nervous as chalk talk went on…no boob checks, no dick checks, no song checks……NO BEER CHECKS. Upon hearing this, and as the taillights of the hare’s vehicle disappeared from sight, the pack split in two: The regular drunks and the super drunks.

The regular drunks, consisting of Tiajuana Donkey Fluffer, Back Tits McGee, Just Paulette, Master Hater, Marty McDie, Just Kate, Taint No Savior, Depantsipation Proclamation, and…Gay If It Suits Me? (Really GIISM?), took off after the ‘white powder’ marks. The super drunks, consisting of Tap That Teacher, Penis Fly Trap, Bitch Please, Just Sarah and Just Emily made their way straight to the closest dive bar…can’t remember the name and it’s too dive-y to even be listed on Google maps. Shortly after starting out, an exhausted Taint No Savior and Depantsipation Proclamation decided to join the super drunks, giving up on trail after 300 ft.

The regular drunks followed the hares’ marks carefully, going on an extended tour of historic downtown Guilford. The super drunks, having arrived at bar #1, hear a squeaky voice calling out “Wait, wait for me!” Just Kate , losing the trail as one is wont to do on a Smashmouth hash, blazed her own trail, unbeknownst right into the arms of the super drunks about to enter bar #1. After some quick pitchers, bar #2, Augur’s Pub, offered up some Irish hospitality, with Just Sarah reading to the group from a selection of books in the bar. I know, right? A hasher who can read….

Upon leaving the bar, Depantsipation Proclamation decided to jump over one of the myriad of puddles dotting the icy sidewalks, and down she went….cranium vs. pavement. Trooper that she is, she shook it off, nurse Penis checked her out for 1.2 milliseconds, and proclaimed her fine. Arriving back near the train station, a souped up-‘Fast and Furious’ type car pulls up, with TDF driving, and GIISM as passenger, off to look for Master Hater, who went missing some time earlier. GIISM jumped out, TTT jumped in, determined to short cut as much as possible.

Back at the station, the group left a sweet, thoughtful chalk message for Master Hater: “Master Hater. Take train back to New Haven”. After much use of technology, she was found wandering a few miles away, and rescued by TDF and his Batmobile.

The hashers all caravanned to the on-in, Smashmouth and Mrs. Smashmouth’s lake home; the hashers were surprised we were let inside at all! Circle was held in the kitchen, around the island, and down downs were awarded to: DFL – Cunt for Red Cocktober…who missed trail entirely, FRB – Back Tits or Marty…same thing. Auto-haring – GIISM, TTT, and TDF. Shortcutting – Super Drunks, tech on trail, TTT (shocker, I know). Getting lost – Master Hater and Just Kate. I’m sure there were more, but the chili that Mrs. Smashmouth made for the hungry hashers must be clouding my brain…till next time…TTT

 

My Bloody Valentine Hash, Saturday, February 14th

my-bloody-valentine-3dSo, here we have the 169th trail of the New Haven Hash House Harriers….what could be more fitting on Valentine’s Day?? Our hare, Marty McDie, will be leading us to our graves, I mean on a shitty trail on this most terrifying, I mean romantic, day of the year, through Branford. So cum by yourself, with your significant other, or roll the dice and hope to get lucky at the hash!

Trail: A to A

When: 1:00pm

Where: Ecology Park, Marshall Road, Branford

Miles: 5-ish

Beer checks: 2 – 3

Shiggy: Light to Mild (approx. 25% of trail)

Hash Cash: $5

Virgins: Always free!!!!

And don’t forget to register for Hashmat!!! Coming soon – Feb. 27, 28, and March 1!

Next Hash: Hi I’m Gay in the ‘burbs! Sat. Jan 31st

drunk-guy1So HIG is coming out to play again for one day. Here are the details of his hash:

On-out: Racebrook Tract Parking area. (Near where 905 Racebrook Road would be, if there was one).

Time: 1:00pm

Trail A to A, $5 Hash Cash

On-after: All important details here people! 46 Williamsburg Drive, Orange, HIG and Hot Box’s (along with rookie hasher Hits The Bottle) new suburban digs. Come help hash-christen their place! HIG will have some 9% home brewed hard cider, along with a bit of food and beer, but feel free to bring something to share.

Hi I’m Gay doesn’t get to come play very often, so let’s show him some support and get on his trail!!

 

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