Save the D8! HashMat #8

All Things 8 at HashMat

All Things 8 at HashMat

The D8s for the New Haven Hash House Harriers 8th HashMat have been set!  February 27th, 28th and March 1st, 2015, should be on your calendar for our celebration of the chaos our Kennel created 8 years ago at IKEA.  Please join us in celebration where there will likely be Devi8ion, Sati8ion and quite possible Masturb8ion!  Details will follow in the coming weeks to include rego fees, awesome t-shirts designed by our own Hentai Me Down, schwag info, lodging discounts and all manner of illicit behavior where we may work the numeral 8 into evil and overtly-suggestive forms.  Stay tuned!

Other notes:  Tap That Teacher is Haring November 8th (what a convenient date!) as we r*n our White Dress event, Don’tYouDare Hares the Breakfast In America Hash November 22nd at an earlier time so that our dedicated Hashers may also Hash with Skull & Boners later the same day (kinda r*cist, if you ask me), Mathole Hares an evil trail December 6th and Hentai Hares the annual SantaCon Hash December 20th.

On On!

Don’tYouDare CloseYourEyes (which apparently is from some song which DYD is completely oblivious of)


Nudes & Beer Hash – Guest Hare Dirty Hoe!

Beer must be near...

Beer must be near…


For those who played with their erector sets, and know how to handle nuts and bolts, this is the Hash for you!

For those who immersed their fingers in jars of paint, and splattered gobs of it on their clothes, this is the Hash for you!

For those who enjoy nudes, beer, and historic landmarks, and an appreciation for creativity, this is the Hash for you!



TIME: 2:00 PM




NH4 Hash #160: We’re Seriously Shitty Dancers

Apparently this Hasher wishes to remain anonymous as she does body shots of of Rotten Groton's Panda Sexpress at the On After at O'Toole's, so I won't tell you that it's obviously TTT.

Apparently this Hasher wishes to remain anonymous as she does body shots off of Rotten Groton’s Panda Sexpress at the On After at O’Toole’s, so I won’t tell you that it’s obviously TTT.

Summarizing Don’tYouDare’s Pants-Off Dance-Off Hash will be from an odd perspective since 1. I’m Don’tYouDare, 2. I kind of live-Hared it to the first Booze Check, and 3. I kind of Hashed it from there.  So rather than trying to capture the harrowing events and wild dancing done on trail with any sense of witty repartee, I think I’ll stick with my numbering system to summarize the long day that it was.

1.  Haring with chalk in the rain bites ass.  Giant ass, if I may.  To compensate, as I’m so wont to do, I left most trail marks on vertical surfaces, which made them hard to see (that’s what she said) for Hashers who are accustomed to looking to the ground for direction.  Also, at the Checks where I had so cleverly planned a dance event I did an ass-bitey job of marking the lead up to said dance event, thwarting my cleverness.  In hindsight, I should have drank at Circle for stupidassedness, buty I didn’t.  I suspect I may on the 25th, however.

B.  Live Haring is more fear-inducing than I had imagined (had never live-Hared before, and definitely has never solo live-Hared.  Yipe!).  It shouldn’t have been, though.  I had already marked the trail, so it should have been a no-brainer, but I kind of just wandered through the first half of the trail when I originally marked, so I was remarking as Hare and maybe Hashing a little bit, too.  Perhaps the greatest source of fear was in the knowledge we had at least two serious FRBers Hashing in Bleeding Hash and Panda Sexpress, and I in no way was prepared to lose my pants if caught (although it would have been an interesting Leeroy Jenkins event).

3.  First Booze Check was an On The Foot (Off The Foot?) where I was finally able to rid my refrigerator of the bleu cheese-stuffed olives that had been in my fridge for the past four years.  The martini was vile and tasted of ball sweat, it was claimed by Gash, and I had to take his word on his taste comparison.

4.  After the shitty martini we ran into Taint No Savior and his chick (Paige?) from Skull and Boners H3.  Hi Taint!

5.  Hashing a trail you’ve Hared, even if you’re absolutely not certain of every twist and turn, can be quite amusing.  Amusement is exponential when you realize you can watch the Kennel follow the Check Backs you’ve laid.

F.  Beer Check was found in an abandoned manufacturing complex, and I did a silent Phew that it was still there.  I had planned for more beer and water than I’d need, and poor Virgin Steve (or was it Virgin Bob?) had to hump that shit when we On Outed again.  Being wise to the trail I short-cutted forward while most of the Kennel (minus Smashmouth, who doesn’t cotton to shenanigans) was dispatched to crawl under or climb over a rusty and Tetanus-threatening fence.

7.  Bonus Beer OTF!  WooHoo!  Another Check Back!  Woo to the effing Hoo!

8.  Kennel disintegrated well before the On In at O’Toole’s.  Tap That Teacher and Hentai Me Down were long lost, Smashmouth and Tweedle Dumb didn’t wait at the Bonus OTF and were well in front, and Face-Full of Leeroy and Panda said “eff it” and short-cutted in when they became distracted at the last true Check.  Only the Virgin, Gash and DYD had the fun of Gangnam dancing across Elm Street.

9.  FRB?  TTT, I think.  DFL?  Maybe that was TTT, too.  I gotta take better notes.

10.  Hi I’m Gay met us at the On In and offered up some refreshing songs at Circle where he guest Beer Bitched.  Thanks, HIG!  There were accusations and accolades disguised as accusations, a welcoming of Virgin Bob and some cleverly-disguised booze in lieu of beer Down Downs.  Shitty times, fellow Hashers.  Shitty times, indeed.

On On – DYD

Pants-Off Dance-Off in the Rain!

a rain

We’re Hashing in the rain today!  WooHoo!  Unless, of course, it’s not raining.  But we’re Hashing, nonetheless!

On out is behind Koffee on Audobon, in the sketchy area that you can access from Whitney Avenue.  Trail may be live, but only if I think I can lay it while wearing at least a dozen pair of pants and still r*n.

Oh, and if anyone knows the chick in the photo posted above feel free to invite her.

Wear new shoes for added traction in slippery conditions!

KOFFEE – 104 Audubon St, New Haven, CT 06511



DYD’s Effed Up iPod Pants-Off-Dance-Off Hash!


While scouting the trail for this Saturday’s New Haven I got a bit lost.  Okay, maybe a lot lost.  I’d scouted what I thought was the basic plan for this hash a few weeks before so a simple retracing of steps was in order, but I was sadly, sadly mistaken (said the guy who wears GPS tech on trail).

Where once there was the most delightful of evil-intent Beer Checks there was nothing.  But further on I stumbled upon an even more scintillating Check site where the Hashers would be able to enjoy cold beers on trail and then enjoy the thrills of shimmying under another chain-link fence (please refer to the Choked Chicken Hash several weeks ago).  Much maniacal laughter ensued.  Mwahahahaha!
So what changed in the weeks that separated the two scouting expeditions?  I thought long and hard about this for at least three or four minutes when it occurred to me.  My iPod!  Hadn’t worn it on the first foray, but had it blasting an odd array of music into my cranium since leaving the house yesterday morning.  And that’s when the genius of the next Hash jelled.  It would be a Dance Off Hash based upon the effed-up selection shitty music on my iPod!  So here’s the game plan:
Where:  On-Out in the vacant space behind Koffee on Audobon Street in New Haven.  Easiest access is from approximately 37 Whitney Avenue, New Haven,  We’ll be meeting in the lot next to the abandoned canal.
Trail:  A to A-ish, but only because I like to keep you short-cutters guessing.  Maybe about 4.5 miles, unless you get lost, too.
When:  Hash Time is 3:00 PM!  On Out will likely follow by 3:15.  Don’t cum late.
Hash Cash:  $5.00 Cheap.  At least one OTF add a BQ25 for the Beer Check.
What to Bring:  ID and extra cash.  And, of course, New Shoes.
Strollerable:  If you insist.
Dogable:  Yep!  But no yappy dogs.
Park:  East of State Street or in a lot – New haven allows only 2 hours on street.
The Dance Party Dance Off:  I’ve selected a few of the songs from my current wacko playlist and when you reach Checks featuring one of these songs you’ll need to act it out (not to worry, Hashers, Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda is not included).  Songs you may or may not dance to are:
Study these and be ready to get your groove On-On!

NH4 Hash 159: Aaack! We Got Crabs!!!



Goddam you, Hentai.

Yeah, I know it’s been more than a week since the last Hash and I’ve written bupkiss.  Not word one.  But I had an excuse, you see.  I’m working two jobs, have been dancing off and on with a cruel an punishing head cold, and then it rained like a mutha a few times this week, and god knows no one writes when rain brings the relative humidity to near 100 percent because, well, it’s a law or something.  I’m pretty sure of this, at least.
And then the hen-pecking voice of the aforementioned goddam Hentai got stuck in my head from a browbeating he issued at Drinking Practice Thursday night.  Something about writing this up for all to see.  I suspect he just forgot and needed a reminder of foolish things done or not done last Saturday.  To silence him, and get this out of the way so I may write up the epic Hashing adventure that awaits us next Saturday I’m offering my version of the Hash, beginning now:
It was an epic Hash!  Hare Tijuana Donkey Fluffer laid a fairly live trail at HammonASSet State Park near Madison on an unexpectedly clear and hot day (kind of an ideal beach day, I suppose, if we weren’t sweaty from Hashing and thirsting for refreshing beer).
Bleeding Gash called out lame for Fluffy’s trail, so Back Tits McGee grabbed the role of FRB from the get go.  Also in the Kennel were the ever-annoying Don’tYouDare, Five Minute Layover, Face-Full of Leeroy, Virgin Will and Bethel guests Crabtree and Leapfrog.  Oh yeah, and Hentai Me Down.
We Hashed through the park’s campground and hit an off-roadish trail on the park’s perimeter where our FRB nearly missed a Beer Quest 25 Check but wised up before a complete miss.  He did. however, pick up on the on-out path from the Check which got us on our way with refreshing beverages in hand (Virgin Will manned up and wore TDF’s beer-holding backpack for the rest of the Hash).
Before moving on, though, DYD went down a potential trail looking for TDF’s marks only to claim later that he’s Smashmouthed a potential route and there was talk of incorporating this verbed noun into our Hashy vernacular, and only time will tell if it sticks.
Out of the park and away from the beach we Hashed, sometimes getting a little lost (good job, TDF!) and then risking our necks at a BVC highway crossing.  DYD, FFoL, BTM and Virgin Will were a bit confused by the BVC marking.  It wasn’t discussed at Chalk Talk, so we began to assume perhaps boobs or packages should be checked but in the end we decided to eff it and On-On our asses through traffic.
Note To The Hash:  While it’s a great idea to assume any unknown Check mark is a call for boobs or dicks it’s probably a better idea to make sure your perilous crossing marks are discussed before sending Hashers to their potential death.  Just sayin.
By this time I think we lost FML, and being good Hashers, we simply went on.  I know, we’re kind of butt-wads.
An On The Foot was a welcome treat once we re-entered the park, although we weren’t really sure what the hell we were drinking.  The hazards of Hashing, I know.  We then Hashed toward the beach where, per TDF, we were to find crabs to present at Circle in hopes of a boozy prize.
Hentai, understanding wisely that Hashing on the beach was somewhat of a pain in the ass short-cutted to the On In when we weren’t looking (he’s sneaky that way, learning his short-cutting tricks from Tap That Teacher, in all likelihood).
With beach sand now embedded in all unpleasant crevacis we made it to the On-In.  I have no idea who was DFL.  Could have been Crabtree, but it was likely Crabtree.  And there were only two crab offerings – One a teeny-tiny crabette and the other was just a claw.  I think the one came from FFoL and the other from the Virgin.
I guess in hindsight, Hentai, I should have written this earlier when i might have remembered more of Circle.  What I can remember is that booze for a crab was awarded to the Virgin, I think, but i don’t recall why.  Also, our Bethel friends brought awesome songs to supplement our own, and DYD talked shit when he accused BTM for wallflowering almost immediately after Back Tits was in circle.  Dammit!
Circle wound down and birthday girl FML began showing her mad cooking skilz.  All was great in the Hashing world.
But Wait, There’s More!  Just after circle Back Tits thought it would be a fine time for a dip in the Long Island Sound.  On his way back, still dripping from the cold water, he dropped trou and yelled “Leeroy Jenkins,” running ass-naked around the picnic area, shocking Hashers and park tourists alike.  As he’s taking a victory lap I look over to Hentai and FFoL in time to see them exchange glances that could only have meant “What the Eff have we gotten ourselves into?”  Like true Leeroy warriors then stripped to ass-nakedness and joined in.  Bravo, Leeroyers!  Bravo!


2:00 On Out at HammonASSet Tomorrow!

Flava-Flav would obviously be quite early for the HammonASSet Beach Hash Saturday, September 27th, but think of the Pre-Lube possibilities!

Flava-Flav would obviously be quite early for the HammonASSet Beach Hash Saturday, September 27th, but think of the Pre-Lube possibilities!

Note the On Out tomorrow at HammonASSet, Hashers!  2:00, a whole hour earlier than the norm, which leaves a little more daylight for Search and Rescue to find our sorry asses if Tijuana Donkey Fluffer gets us lost!

Details are posted below, as well as at our Facebook and Meetup pages.

HammonASSet Beach Hash!!


Blatant R*cist Behavior! Beer must be very, very near…

I’m currently enjoying the thrills of a raging head cold, so please forgive me if my usually clever bon mots fall short in this posting.  I’ll do my damnedest, though, and will begin by chanting about trees and shrubs and flowers with horns on my, well, you know…

Bust out the plaid flannel Speedos and bikinis, Hashers, we’re hea, oh damn, I mean going to Hammonasset Beach for an early Fall Hash Hared by Tijuana Donkey Fluffer!  I know there was talk of a most-excellent You Don’t Have To Go Home Camp Out Hash, but some of the key players have been struck with plague-like maladies (Thanks, Hentai) and the evil forces known as “real life” have claimed a few others.  We vow to On-On, nonetheless!!
Juicy Details!
WHERE:  Hammonasset Beach State Park.  Debauchery will be taking place in the upper northwest corner.  Address for the GPS (and where you can get a fix on the upper NW) is 1200 Boston Post Road, Madison CT.  Exit 62 off of I95 and then drive south until you hit water.
WHEN:  Saturday, September 27th.  On Out is 2:00 PM.  Please note the earlier time.  The Coast Guard’s Search and Rescue Unit doesn’t like looking for Hashers in the dark, so we moved it up now that the nights are longer than the days.
HASH CASH:  $10.00, which covers tasty food afterward.  And feel free to bring your own snacks to share or horde, as well.
STROLLERABLE / DOGABLE?:  Quite likely No.
HARE:  Tijuana Donkey Fluffer and quite possible FML, as well.
SECRET SURPRISE!:  You’re just going to have to be there.
Please check for update at our Facebook and Meetup pages.  HashSpace works, too.
I think I need to mainline some NyQuil now, so On-Out.

Ay Dios Mio! Wonder Woman’s Evil Trail and Hot, Hot Underpants!

Oh my.  Words just fail me.  How do these Photo Documentation Checks even make it onto trail?  For the sake of clarity and identifying the guilty, Don'tYouDare, Tijuana Donkey Fluffer and Tweedle Dumb are all seen doing gawd knows what...

Oh my. Words just fail me. How do these Photo Documentation Checks even make it onto trail? For the sake of clarity and identifying the guilty, Don’tYouDare, Tijuana Donkey Fluffer and Tweedle Dumb are all seen doing gawd knows what…

    Several weeks ago Delaney’s Tap Room in Westville tragically burned to the ground.  Rather than lament the loss of so much tasty, tasty beer our friends at O’Toole’s Irish Pub thought, “Hey, let’s help our fellow beer chug-a-luggers by running around New Haven in our underpants!”  Our own Five Minute Layover heard “underpants” and the scramble was on to throw an off-week Hash was on.
    In no time she donned her Wonder Woman Underoos and went off, laying the most evil of trails throughout the greater O’Toole’s area, laughing maniacally with an evil mwahahaha at every Check Back and YBF.
    The Kennel, rather small for an off week, donned underpants and the chase was on.  Tap That Teacher, Tijuana Donkey Fluffer, Tweedle Dumb and Don’tYouDare were lured into an immediate CB15 (although there may or may not have been exactly 15 marks on trail, argued some).  Our only choice?  Hash through the Latino Jesus Parade!  FML could not have planned this better, and by better, I mostly mean she’s was really effing with us, all to her pleasure.
    Then we Hashed, and got lost, then Hashed a little more, and got lost, and there may have been a little r*cist behavior, but not really, then we got lost again.  FML’s trail led us near to our beloved IKEA, and then turned north toward Primo Gentlemen’s Club where a Beer Near awaited us at the bar where Hentai Me Down joined the Kennel.
    Interesting side note:  As titillating as the thought of a Hot Undies Hash Beer Near at a strip club was, it was quite disappointing the only other underpants in sight were likely made of dental floss and strapped to some chick older than Don’tYouDare.  Yipes!
    Kennel then crossed path’s with O’Toole’s Undie Runners, stopped for an on-the-fly tasty beer check along the curb (Yup, grown adults, sitting on a downed telephone pole in a public park, drinking Sam Adams on a Saturday afternoon.  Goddam life is grand.)
    On In was at O’Toole’s and that crafty TTT duped DYD into being DFL when she allowed him to open the door for her.  Dammit!
    At Circle it was determined that 1.  It was a shitty trail, 2.  There were no boob checks, and 3.  Dammit, why were there no boob checks?!?!?
    Join us next weekend for more Epic Hashing at Hammonasset State Park in Madison, CT, where we’ll have camping, Hashing and mucho debauchery!  This event is evolving a bit, so please keep track at our Meetup, Facebook and HashSpace pages.  Details to be posted shortly.


On Out

And #4: Hot Undies Hash This Saturday at O’Toole’s!!

Directly from our very own AGM FML:

“Ok.  My trail for hot undies will be mostly live :) no shiggy and efficient as fuck to get us with the hot undiers. On out will be exactly 1230p so come early for free pre lube. Also I HAVE to have rsvps by friday if walks want the shirt with their $15″

Got that?  We’re Hashing.  In our Underpants (Yup, underpants are required, my Kilt wearing bretheren).  And drinking BEER!  Is this a great effing country or what?

On-Out NEEDS to be at 12:30 Sharp!  No time for BS-ing because the r*cists among us want to hit Rotten Groton’s Wack N Wabble trail that On-Outs at 3:00 HST.  So, quick math:  Hot Underpants Hash at 12:30 and we’re done by 1:30ish + One Hour Drive to Groten = We’ll sure as shite miss Pre-Lube and On-Out if we get caught with our Hot undies down.  Got it?

Hot Undies is important because, well, doesn’t the name Hot Undies say enough?  Also, the $15 goes toward helping the family and employees from Delaney’s Tap Room, which was tragically lost in a fire recently.  Gotta support the tasty beer-serving community so they may keep serving us.

On-Out!!   DYD


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