Start location: Branford train station parking lot (39 Maple Street)
3 pee em
Trail: A to A, live hares: Tiajuana Donkey Fluffer and Just Ed. Turkey/Eagle split, 5-ish miles, 2-3 beer checks, some off-road but not really shiggy.
$5 hash cash
From TDF: My house is too small to fit more than 3 1/2 midgets, so the on-after will be determined by drunk folks upon completion of trail.
Wax on, wax off. Hash like they do in Japan and make Mr. Miyagi proud (he was from Okinawa). I will try to lay the trail like i learned at my first kennel in the mysterious Far East. Wear anything vaguely Japanese related and get a shot of a special drink that I smuggled back to this country at the end of trail. I guess in the case of BYS, get a shot of special water? Chopsticks optional.
August is here and it’s time to celebrate the traditions of International Beer Day, that little-known holiday that appeared on the calendar in 2007 (per Wikipedia, the recognized source of truthiness worldwide)! What does that mean to Hashers? After all, isn’t every day beer day? Perhaps we can collectively celebrate International Drink More Beer Day, instead.
Tomorrow is Mathole’s August Holiday Hash, so please pace your consumption tonight – You don’t want to be celebrating International Hangover Day on trail. My phone says there’s a 55 percent chance of rain at the On Out, but my phone is usually a big fat liar. It’s best to be prepared since we Hash regardless of the weather. I recommend waterproofing your holiday-themed r*nning togs. It might be a good idea to wear new shoes, too.
Don’t forget to RSVP at either the Facebook page or MeetUp. Math needs to make sure there’s enough beer on hand, so hook a brother up with a hea… er, cranium count. And bring Hash Cash in small denominations so the Hare doesn’t have to concern himself with who he owes change for a $50. Lastly, New Haven Hash House Harrier patches will be available, $5 bucks cheap.
“There I was!” declares Mathole, waiving his hand broadly among those gathered, instantly quelling the oft flippant remarks common among a kennel teaming for a worthy hunt. The silence was immediate as all senses focused on the tale to be told by this worthy tale teller.
Date: Saturday, August 2
WHEN: 3pm HST
WHERE: Cherry St., Milford. Look for ShopRite, then look for the strip mall just to the left of ShopRite, then look for the festive wankers parked in the back corner.
Hentai Returns – Trail 152
So there we were – a cool summer’s day, hanging out in the DMV parking lot. Hare Hentai Me Down, freshly off his ‘scamper naked thru the woods for a month’ adventure, promised a shitty trail with 2 drink checks, lite shiggy, and other treats.
The pack took off, Just Ed, Blowing You Softly and Tiajuana Donkey Fluffer leading the way, Tap That Teacher trailing behind as usual. But the checks got the better of them and as the pack turned around multiple times, TTT was in front. As BYS was heard asking on trail, “Does TTT know something we don’t?” the answer is “Yes, yes she does,” as we’ll soon find out.
The first beer check was under a huge great-for-climbing tree at the base of East Rock Park. Just Ed really enjoyed his spot sitting against the tree… The pack set off again, deeper into the park, this time only to encounter CBs and YBFs galore, effectively keeping the pack together. The 2nd drink check was down a long slippery slope leading out of the park and consisted of a Capt. Morgan and ginger ale OTF. Mathole had something against this concoction, however, as he violently flung it away from himself, sending it plummeting to the ground, spilling half of its contents to the ground. Let’s just call it an offering to the hashing gods.
The last leg of trail had a new check…PBR!!! Yeah, that’s what we thought too! But noooooo….this was a Piggy Back Ride check. Half the pack participated, half did not. Just Ed stayed behind to wait for TTT – who never showed up. Why? Because what she does know is that short-cutting is always the bestest thing to do, as she skipped back to the On-In as FRB.
Circle down downs were awarded to FRB TTT; DFL Just Johanna; Racist attire to Smashmouth (again); and TTT drank for tech on trail (again). Our RA Hentai got shitty drunk and laughed his way through the rest of circle (Remember kids: The vessel is supposed to be inverted over your h3@d, not just raised there). Just Ed drank for falsely accusing TTT of wearing new shoes; Just Tim, Just Johanna, and BYS drank for not hashing with us for a while; Mathole drank for out-sucking (god, that sounds dirty) Dontyoudare as beer-bitch; and Just Tim drew accolades for carrying Mathole’s ass (I think?) a hella long way at the PBR check. And TDF just stood there and smiled innocently.
On-After was wings, beer and some sort of poutine-y thing at Archie Moore’s. On-out wankers!
“What could be better than a Hash with an On Out at the local office of the Department of Motor Vehicles?” I ask you.
Well, duh, a Hash with an On In at the Bureau of Free Beer and Loose Sexual Morals is the obvious choice, but that ain’t happening this Hash. Likely not the next Hash either, so cool your damn jets already.
Hare Hentai Me Down has a delightful if not mysterious Hash in mind for this Saturday when he lays trail from the Hamden DMV. Hentai has been away for several weeks, so he’s certain to have a Hasherific trail in mind, concocting a fine balance of shiggy and suburban trails. There are a promised two beer checks on an unstrollerable trail (unstrollerable = shiggy, or at least wheel-sucking muck) that promises three-to-five miles of Hashing from A to A. Hash Cash is $5.00, which is always a bargain. On Out is 3:00 PM, or roughly 2:30 PM for our European Hashers and Groton’s Binoc.
Oh, and wear your finest bandana to welcome Hentai back!
So there were hashes, and there were hares, and whoopdy-effing-do there was drinking as punishment for such ass-biting trails where beer (BEER, fer Cryin-Out-Loud!) was punishment for the various eff ups committed by hares and hashers alike. How is it we live in such godforsaken times as when the consumption of beer is the albatross around our collective necks? Is this a great country, or what?
So, Smashmouth hared a shitty trail, which was enjoyed by all. His DFL Hasher simply reported that she’d forgotten to run. How un-racist is that? Certainly a Hash teetering on perfection (with the exception of effing Beer Checks, ya bastard!!). We also had the opportunity to celebrate New Haven Hash House Harriers 150th Hash (do I hear Wahoos from your collective keyboards?). Tap That Teacher (TTT, or “Tappy,” to her friends) ensured there was cake. And maybe some beer. But mostly cake. There may or may not be a photo of said cake placed with adept accuracy from your moderator. If no, get over it…
HASH 151!! An Evening Hash. Waaaaaaaayyyy outside our comfort zone. A Shitty Hash, nonetheless! Cut to the the chase: Hare didn’t have the wherewithall to remove cranium gear, and got boozed up as a result. She issues a decree the Don’tYouDareCloseYourEyes NEVER Beer Bitches again and he revels in her edict. Waa to the effing Hoo (again).
Also noted were the vacant names of Michi, and Zoltan, or Master Cyborg, or Velaciraptor. or blue, no wait, it’s green-haired guy. Jesus cricket, Is his Nerd Name Loki? Who the eff is Loki? Is he a cupcake in a Mario Brothers game? Anyhoo, names were discussed and the amourous nature of these two hashers were addresses again and again. We can’t name them BOTH fucks like bunnies, can we?
At this point your moderator pipes is about the language. If you can’t handle it, hang the fuck on to your hat, because it becomes funner…
We hemmed and hawed for a good two minutes, and these two Hashers were named! May I introduce Mishi Horni and Misho Sari, with requisite and stereotipical (and wildly demeaning) bows.
Why in the fuck is your Sari-wearing habit on here? En serio? Put that junk away!!!
Okay, so there’s a new Web Wanker updating posts to the New Haven Hash House Harriers’ site, and he’s taking a little liberty with the sexiness-factor of this posting. Just accept it and move on.
On Saturday, July 5th, you’re invited to one of the best-damned-out-of-our-comfort-zone Hashes ever to be attempted in the Greater New Haven area in all of 2014! This, of course, is because the Hash is in Wallingford and it begins at 6:00 PM. Hang on to your hat, here goes:
Tap That Teacher (Tappy, to her friends and confidants) is haring a Hash with the intent of getting the whole damn kennel to a spectacular fireworks show in the wonderful town of Wallingford on Saturday, July 5th. There are promises of Beer Checks (this may have been made up by your Web Wanker), and at least two checks where patriotic songs are to be sung (again, possibly made up). What is NOT MADE UP is that there will be some shiggy on trail and that there will be an occasion for “Ooohs” and “Aaahs” at the Hash conclusion.
No excuses. Get your hungover arses to Wallingford before 6:00 PM for the Hash Of The Summer. You’ll be grateful you did. This goes for Skull and Boners and Rotten Groton Hashers, as well. Hash Cash is $5, which covers some of the finest pisswater beer in Central Connecticut available. Trail is A to Aish. Did you see that Boners? A to A-ISH. If you go back to A there will ne NO BEER (we’re talking to you, Shut The Fuck Up). A good time will be had by all!
P.S. The attached map may be a little dumb-assish – check out 300 Church Street RT 68 & 150), Wallingford, CT on your GPS and BE ON TIME!!
A traditional Hash, at least if the Hare is Smashmouth! Per the Hare (and as seen on Facebook): 6/21 joint with New Amsterdam Summer Sunday H3 will start at 3:00 p.m. at 116 Lakeside Drive, Guilford CT. Trail A to A, 4 miles or so, mixture of road and off-road, no barbed wire or garbage. No drink checks or other modern gimmicks. Food and drink in a bucolic backyard at the end. Nominal Hash Cash; premium option includes bathroom access. If you don’t want to drive, cars will be at Guilford station to meet the 2:31 from New Haven – please RSVP if you’d like a ride.
There were three Musketeers, three Stooges, three Little Pigs, and three Bee Gees.
There are three words in Tap That Teacher, three syllables in cranium, and three letters in DFL.
There’s even a house on Woodward Avenue that has three hashers living in it – and where “3-man” is often played.
So, for the third hash of this third month to be held by the New Haven H3, put on your three-peice suit (or other outfit that incorporates 3 in some way) and join us for a celebration of threedom! And threer. I mean beer.
DATE: Saturday, March 29
TIME: 3 p.m. (duh) HST
WHERE: O’Sullivan’s Island Recreation Park, Derby. Follow Caroline Street all the way to the southern end where it meets the Greenway, then park in the lot under the Route 8 bridge.
HASH CASH: $5
WHAT TO BRING:
- 3 forms of ID (we will be going into bars)
- 3 vessels (we will be spending time outside of bars as well)
- 3 changes of clothes for the on-after
- 3 virgins
- 3 cheers for all things 3!
(OK, you really only need one of each of these. Except the virgins. Definitely 3 virgins.)