“What could be better than a Hash with an On Out at the local office of the Department of Motor Vehicles?” I ask you.
Well, duh, a Hash with an On In at the Bureau of Free Beer and Loose Sexual Morals is the obvious choice, but that ain’t happening this Hash. Likely not the next Hash either, so cool your damn jets already.
Hare Hentai Me Down has a delightful if not mysterious Hash in mind for this Saturday when he lays trail from the Hamden DMV. Hentai has been away for several weeks, so he’s certain to have a Hasherific trail in mind, concocting a fine balance of shiggy and suburban trails. There are a promised two beer checks on an unstrollerable trail (unstrollerable = shiggy, or at least wheel-sucking muck) that promises three-to-five miles of Hashing from A to A. Hash Cash is $5.00, which is always a bargain. On Out is 3:00 PM, or roughly 2:30 PM for our European Hashers and Groton’s Binoc.
Oh, and wear your finest bandana to welcome Hentai back!
So there were hashes, and there were hares, and whoopdy-effing-do there was drinking as punishment for such ass-biting trails where beer (BEER, fer Cryin-Out-Loud!) was punishment for the various eff ups committed by hares and hashers alike. How is it we live in such godforsaken times as when the consumption of beer is the albatross around our collective necks? Is this a great country, or what?
So, Smashmouth hared a shitty trail, which was enjoyed by all. His DFL Hasher simply reported that she’d forgotten to run. How un-racist is that? Certainly a Hash teetering on perfection (with the exception of effing Beer Checks, ya bastard!!). We also had the opportunity to celebrate New Haven Hash House Harriers 150th Hash (do I hear Wahoos from your collective keyboards?). Tap That Teacher (TTT, or “Tappy,” to her friends) ensured there was cake. And maybe some beer. But mostly cake. There may or may not be a photo of said cake placed with adept accuracy from your moderator. If no, get over it…
HASH 151!! An Evening Hash. Waaaaaaaayyyy outside our comfort zone. A Shitty Hash, nonetheless! Cut to the the chase: Hare didn’t have the wherewithall to remove cranium gear, and got boozed up as a result. She issues a decree the Don’tYouDareCloseYourEyes NEVER Beer Bitches again and he revels in her edict. Waa to the effing Hoo (again).
Also noted were the vacant names of Michi, and Zoltan, or Master Cyborg, or Velaciraptor. or blue, no wait, it’s green-haired guy. Jesus cricket, Is his Nerd Name Loki? Who the eff is Loki? Is he a cupcake in a Mario Brothers game? Anyhoo, names were discussed and the amourous nature of these two hashers were addresses again and again. We can’t name them BOTH fucks like bunnies, can we?
At this point your moderator pipes is about the language. If you can’t handle it, hang the fuck on to your hat, because it becomes funner…
We hemmed and hawed for a good two minutes, and these two Hashers were named! May I introduce Mishi Horni and Misho Sari, with requisite and stereotipical (and wildly demeaning) bows.
Why in the fuck is your Sari-wearing habit on here? En serio? Put that junk away!!!
Okay, so there’s a new Web Wanker updating posts to the New Haven Hash House Harriers’ site, and he’s taking a little liberty with the sexiness-factor of this posting. Just accept it and move on.
On Saturday, July 5th, you’re invited to one of the best-damned-out-of-our-comfort-zone Hashes ever to be attempted in the Greater New Haven area in all of 2014! This, of course, is because the Hash is in Wallingford and it begins at 6:00 PM. Hang on to your hat, here goes:
Tap That Teacher (Tappy, to her friends and confidants) is haring a Hash with the intent of getting the whole damn kennel to a spectacular fireworks show in the wonderful town of Wallingford on Saturday, July 5th. There are promises of Beer Checks (this may have been made up by your Web Wanker), and at least two checks where patriotic songs are to be sung (again, possibly made up). What is NOT MADE UP is that there will be some shiggy on trail and that there will be an occasion for “Ooohs” and “Aaahs” at the Hash conclusion.
No excuses. Get your hungover arses to Wallingford before 6:00 PM for the Hash Of The Summer. You’ll be grateful you did. This goes for Skull and Boners and Rotten Groton Hashers, as well. Hash Cash is $5, which covers some of the finest pisswater beer in Central Connecticut available. Trail is A to Aish. Did you see that Boners? A to A-ISH. If you go back to A there will ne NO BEER (we’re talking to you, Shut The Fuck Up). A good time will be had by all!
P.S. The attached map may be a little dumb-assish – check out 300 Church Street RT 68 & 150), Wallingford, CT on your GPS and BE ON TIME!!
A traditional Hash, at least if the Hare is Smashmouth! Per the Hare (and as seen on Facebook): 6/21 joint with New Amsterdam Summer Sunday H3 will start at 3:00 p.m. at 116 Lakeside Drive, Guilford CT. Trail A to A, 4 miles or so, mixture of road and off-road, no barbed wire or garbage. No drink checks or other modern gimmicks. Food and drink in a bucolic backyard at the end. Nominal Hash Cash; premium option includes bathroom access. If you don’t want to drive, cars will be at Guilford station to meet the 2:31 from New Haven – please RSVP if you’d like a ride.
There were three Musketeers, three Stooges, three Little Pigs, and three Bee Gees.
There are three words in Tap That Teacher, three syllables in cranium, and three letters in DFL.
There’s even a house on Woodward Avenue that has three hashers living in it – and where “3-man” is often played.
So, for the third hash of this third month to be held by the New Haven H3, put on your three-peice suit (or other outfit that incorporates 3 in some way) and join us for a celebration of threedom! And threer. I mean beer.
DATE: Saturday, March 29
TIME: 3 p.m. (duh) HST
WHERE: O’Sullivan’s Island Recreation Park, Derby. Follow Caroline Street all the way to the southern end where it meets the Greenway, then park in the lot under the Route 8 bridge.
HASH CASH: $5
WHAT TO BRING:
- 3 forms of ID (we will be going into bars)
- 3 vessels (we will be spending time outside of bars as well)
- 3 changes of clothes for the on-after
- 3 virgins
- 3 cheers for all things 3!
(OK, you really only need one of each of these. Except the virgins. Definitely 3 virgins.)
Cum on down for our 2nd Annual wearing o’ the green trail! And find out just how lucky the Irish really are! No green dresses needed, just dress green! Paint your face even! Let’s get St. Paddy’s Day weekend off to a good start!
When: 2:00pm, Saturday, March 15th
Where: 295 Treadwell Street (Parking lot for The Space)
What: A to A trail, $5 hash cash, 2 beer (or something) stops, leprechaun gold, good craic, live music and oh so much more!
Due to unforeseen circumstances our previous hare had to step down from haring this week’s trail. But not to fear, we’ve got a virgin hare willing to take her place! Don’t You Dare Close Your Eyes will be setting trail in his neck of the woods for our hashing pleasure.
This hash theme is: “PULLING IT OUT OF MY ASS…Rectum? Hell, it damn near killed him!” …Don’t ask questions people.
Where: Meet in Wooster Square, New Haven. North end of the park, near Greene Street, between Academy and Wooster Place. Convene at the stone picnic table. And if you can’t find us with these directions, maybe you should re-consider hashing….
When: 1:00pm. 1:00pm. Note the earlier time (ahem, Smashmouth).
What: Trail A to A. Maybe some shiggy, maybe not. Yes beer.
Co-hare/mentor/advisee/’teacher’/bad influence…..Tap That Teacher.
The idyllic setting for our cute little r*nning group….